Or: How to be the hot guy without being a jerk.

First of all: You already are a gentleman if you truly love your girlfriend. And no, you don’t have to become a person you’re not in order to please your significant other. The points below are just something to think about, consider and then maybe implement into your relationship if you feel like this could benefit you both. Of course, you can’t generalize and every woman is different, but I think most women will agree with me on at least ten of the following sixteen points and if your gf sent you this article there’s a good chance she does too. So now some of the traits in men most girls dream of but never say out loud: How to be a true gentleman in today’s world

1. Have dreams

   Your parents told you you should be an accountant and that that would be a good and safe job for you and the perfect future? You’re following their advice, because you don’t have anything better planned out for your life and no big vision except for maybe a small house and a dog and two kids? – Cute. And definitely not hot. There’s a reason so many girls fall for the guitar player who is touring the world or the world-class chef or the start-up founder who invented the next big thing. Ambitious people with big visions for their lives are sexy, inspiring and set fire to those around them.

2. Be successful

   There’s nothing hotter than a man who knows his shit and follows his dreams. There’s nothing sexier than if your significant other accomplishes his goals, sticks to his plans and fights for his dreams. There’s nothing more inspiring than the energy of someone who backs up his words with actions and pulls through until he is where he wants to be. If you are already more successful than she is, that’s good, keep hustling and you will inspire her to do the same. If she’s “more successful” than you are, she is secretly challenging you and wanting you to work on becoming the best version of yourself.

3. Take good care of your body.
   No you don’t have to be a bodybuilder in order to look hot. It’s not the muscles that make these men hot. More what they stand for. Self esteem is hot. Discipline when it comes to the food you eat, your exercise routine and your mental health is hot. Stuffing yourself with pizza even though you always say you’ll loose weight is not. Not exercising regularly is not. Hating on your body all the time is not. Just think about this: Would you want your girlfriend to let go of herself and stop taking care of her body? Would you want her saying all the time how unattractive and ugly she is? (I know, some girls gotta work on this too.)

4. Figure out finances
   The days when guys had to pay for everything are long gone. I am a true defender of the philosophy that men and women should have equal rights (aka feminism). But if we want to be treated as equals, we also have to behave as such. Which means: In my opinion, we can’t say we’re feminists but expect him to pay for everything and provide for us just “because that’s what a man should do”. No, we can very well take care of ourselves and our man. Nevertheless, it is nice sometimes if you offer to pay half of the bill if she is inviting you. Or to invite her this time if she invited you last time.

5. Be the man in the relationship

   If she’s always the one taking you out on dates, initiating intimateness, buying you chocolate or flowers, you might wanna re-evaluate your role-playing outside of the bedroom. An alpha female might happily take over the masculine role in the relationship, but most women, even alpha females, are not a 100% happy with that. And, trust me, you don’t want your woman to completely take over the man-role in a relationship. Because if she is playing out her masculine side, she is loosing grip of her feminine side, which is her soft, vulnerable, tender side. And that’s when she turns into a “bossy” (I call that strong) woman who will take control and you are from now regarded upon as if you were her employee (lol that’s exaggerated but you got my point).
   Some women, despite what you might think, also get tired of being in charge. They might respect you less if they feel like they have to organize everything themselves or else it won’t get done to your and her satisfaction. Prove her wrong. Show her that, you too, can be in charge. Surprise her with your self-reliant, self-confident and masculine side. Of course, don’t exaggerate or misunderstand this please, don’t be bossy or oppress your partner, stay kind and respectful as always.

6. Whenever you’re about to eat sth or drink sth, ask her if she wants some too first.

   This should be a no-brainer, but letting her watch you eat while she is starving and too afraid to say something, is an absolute no-go. In fact: Never mind if she says she doesn’t want anything to eat. I’m a girl so I’m allowed to say that: In 99% of all cases we only say that out of politeness and we always want something to eat as well if you’re eating. One more thing: Make sure what you offer her is at least as delicious as what you’re having. Don’t order yourself a pizza, and ask her if she wants the leftovers from yesterday’s dinner because they need to get eaten. And if she’s bringing her own food and something to drink whenever she comes over or always plans on hitting an all-you-can-eat buffet before heading to your place that’s a bad sign. Just sayin’.

7. Support her

   And by that I don’t mean telling her “yayy you made it”. No I mean talking to her when she’s sad, I mean not eating pizza in front of her when she’s on a diet and struggling. I mean being there for her til death do us part.

8. Have her back

   Always. Unconditionally. If she gets upset about something, you get upset about it. If she hates something or someone, you hate that someone or something. And most people do this but on a very superficial level. Meaning: If she cares about the rainforest, don’t buy your mum a rainforest table for her next birthday. If her uncle has a chocolate factory, don’t buy chocolate from his concurrents. If she tells you about how she hates fur and how deeply upsetting the leather industry is, don’t tell her you agree with her and then go buy yourself a leather jacket the next day. Then it’s better to admit to not sharing her opinion rather than being a hypocrite.

9. Make her your priority

   Nothing is more important than the woman you want to marry some day (or have already married) and plan on having (or have) a family with. Because she is the one that’ll always be there. No one and nothing should be more important than the woman you want there right by your side when you grow old or when you’re sick or in trouble. Make her your priority and she’ll make you hers. You don’t want to be treated like a second option so don’t make her feel like one.

10. Be faithful
    Don’t give her any reason to be jealous. Always make her feel like she is the one you want to marry and grow old with and the only girl that will ever be in your heart. Tell her about your news (good and bad), deep thoughts and important things first. It’s hurting if she has to find out from your friend or your boss, your parents or anybody else. She is with you and cares more about you than your colleague, so she deserves to know first.

11. Be well-read.

    Anybody can spend their weekends watching mindless TV or shows they don’t really care about just because of a lack of self-discipline and ambition. But if anybody can do it, it’s not a quality. While some guys are watching the same old TV show over and over again just because they don’t have anything better to do with their time, a true gentleman reads and improves his skill set. To an educated girl, there’s no sexier beginning of a conversation than “Hey girl you won’t believe what I learned yesterday…”. Make sure that the next time she texts you “whatcha doing” instead of “nothin, just hangin” you get to reply “ow I’m just educating myself about the stock market before heading out for my first chinese lesson”. Inspire her and make her want to become a better person too.

12. Show her how much you love and appreciate her

    Every single minute of every single day.

13. Cuddle her often.

    I personally even like to be cuddled when I’m a little mad (Attention! Definitely not true for all girls!). But there’s something to a heartfelt hug and a guy caressing her hair that cannot be described with words.

14. Dress nicely.

    A cool, personal style worn with self confidence is hot. Wearing dirty, torn clothes is not. Show her you want her to keep her interested in you and find you sexy not just on the inside.

15. Have impeccable manners
    Open (car) doors, carry her bag, pick her up, drive her home, take her out, take her coat, offer her something to drink or eat, listen while she speaks, eat properly… Of course it’s nice if you can both be very léger in a relationship, hang out and watch netflix while eating fastfood with your bare hands… and completely loosing your self control. But every once in a while, remind yourself and your partner that you’re well-educated, well-mannered human beings and show each other how proper you can eat, dance, hold a conversation and dress. Give her the chance to dress up, feel pretty and be the princess while you’re the prince. Cook something together and have a proper meal. Go to the theater or opera, a seminar, a speech or a concert together and feel like you’re a badass, classy couple.

16. Have humor

    I once read that humor is just like salt for life. I completely agree. Just like salt. Or ketchup. You can have it with (almost, depending on how advanced your black humor is and what your partner is like) everything. Don’t use humor as a tool to tell someone something you don’t have the guts to tell in a serious manner (touché), but do use it as a mood lightener and just for fun. Make sure it’s not hurtful though.